Sexual Fantasies: What’s Normal?

Sexual Fantasies: What’s Normal?
by Williams Patrick Praise

Let’s face it—At some point, you’ve probably had a sexual fantasy that made you pause. Maybe it excited you. Maybe it confused you. Maybe it made you wonder: our minds can wander to some unexpected places, especially when it comes to sex. You’re brushing your teeth, working out, or just daydreaming—and suddenly, a fantasy pops in. Maybe it’s romantic, maybe it’s kinky, maybe it feels a little taboo. And then the question hits:

"Is this normal?"

Let’s talk about it.

Everyone Has Fantasies—Yes, Everyone

Sexual fantasies are not only common—they’re universal. Research shows that nearly all adults have sexual fantasies, often starting as early as adolescence. Whether it's a classic daydream about a romantic encounter or something more unconventional, our brains use fantasy as a way to explore, escape, and experience excitement without consequences.

By the time we hit our 20s and 30s, sex isn’t just about biology—it’s emotional, psychological, and deeply personal. That’s where fantasy comes in. It’s how we explore, escape, and tap into parts of ourselves we might not express in real life.

Whether you’re imagining a romantic night with your partner, a wild anonymous hookup, or something straight out of left field—guess what? You’re not broken. You’re human.

What Do Fantasies Really Mean?

Here’s the truth: a fantasy doesn’t define you.
Having a fantasy about something doesn’t mean you want it to happen in real life. For example, someone might fantasize about dominance or submission, but in reality, they crave mutual respect and emotional safety.

Fantasies are like dreams—they don’t always reflect your actual desires. They’re a blend of curiosity, psychology, emotion, and imagination. Think of them as mental playgrounds, not contracts with your conscience.

Fantasies aren’t blueprints for real-life behavior. They’re mental movies—safe, private ways to explore risk, power, control, curiosity, or emotional intensity.

Sometimes they reflect what you want more of (connection, excitement, variety). Other times, they’re just... fantasy. Like a dream you wake up from thinking, “Whoa, where did that come from?”

The Wide World of “Normal”

There is no one-size-fits-all definition of "normal" when it comes to fantasy. Some of the most common fantasies include:

Power play (dominance/submission)
Threesomes or group sex
Public or risky scenarios
Romantic or emotionally intense moments
Roleplay or imagined identities

Some people might even have fantasies that feel morally uncomfortable, such as taboo topics. This doesn’t mean they support or want to act on those things. It’s just their brain exploring limits, power, fear, or control in a safe, private space.

When Should You Worry?

Most fantasies are harmless, even the edgy ones. But if a fantasy:

Causes you deep shame or distress
Involves non-consensual acts you want to pursue in real life
Becomes obsessive to the point that it disrupts your relationships or daily life

…it might be helpful to talk to a sex-positive therapist. Not because your fantasy is “wrong,” but because your peace of mind matters. Living a healthy lifestyle requires making healthy decisions not irrational behavior you will later regret in live.

Embrace Curiosity, Let Go of Shame

You’re not the only one with a secret imagination. You’re not weird. You’re not perverted. You’re not alone. Most people just don’t talk about their fantasies—but that doesn’t mean they don’t have them.

So instead of shaming yourself, try this:
Get curious.
What turns you on? What does that fantasy represent to you emotionally? Power? Safety? Freedom? Play?

The more honest you are with yourself, the more empowered you’ll feel—in bed and in life. Your fantasies are not flaws. They’re insights into your emotional landscape. They can teach you what excites you, what scares you, what you’re curious about. And guess what? That’s powerful.

So next time your mind drifts somewhere unexpected, take a breath. You’re human. You’re curious. And yes—you’re completely normal.

Fantasies don’t need to be feared or judged. They need to be understood. If you treat your inner world with compassion and curiosity, you just might learn something beautiful about yourself.

🖤How to Share Fantasies Safely with a Partner

Sexual fantasies are a natural, healthy part of human desire. They’re the private worlds we build in our minds—sometimes exciting, sometimes strange, often deeply personal. But when you’re in a relationship, sharing these fantasies can feel vulnerable or even risky.

So how do you open up that part of yourself without damaging trust, creating discomfort, or overstepping emotional boundaries?

Here’s how to share your fantasies safely, respectfully, and meaningfully with your partner.

1. Build a Foundation of Trust First

Before diving into your deepest desires, make sure your relationship is emotionally secure. Fantasies often tap into intimate or taboo areas, and without trust, they can be misinterpreted or lead to unnecessary friction.

Ask yourself:

Do we feel emotionally safe together?
Do we support each other without judgment?
Can we talk about sex without shame or defensiveness?

If the answer is yes, you’re on the right track.

2. Choose the Right Time and Setting

This isn’t a conversation to spring on someone mid-argument or over dinner with friends. Timing and environment matter. Choose a private, low-pressure moment where you both feel relaxed.

You might start with:

“I’ve been thinking a lot about how we can explore new things together. Would you be open to talking about fantasies sometime?”

This signals respect and gives your partner agency to say yes—or not yet.

3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Expectation

Your fantasy doesn’t have to become reality to be meaningful. Instead of pushing your partner to do something, let them into your inner world. When sharing fantasies, approach the conversation with curiosity rather than demand. The goal isn’t to convince your partner to fulfill your fantasy—it’s to share something about yourself.

Say:

“I’d love to tell you something that turns me on, not because I expect us to do it, but because it feels intimate to let you in.”

This shifts the focus from performance to connection, it lowers the pressure and frames the fantasy as part of emotional intimacy, not just sexual gratification..

4. Be Prepared for a Range of Reactions

People react to fantasies differently. Some are intrigued, others surprised, some might feel unsure. Even in loving relationships, reactions to fantasies can vary—excitement, surprise, confusion, even discomfort. That’s okay.

If your partner hesitates or isn’t into it, thank them for listening and avoid taking it personally. Everyone has boundaries, and respecting them is key to sexual safety and mutual growth.

If they’re intrigued, explore it slowly together. Maybe it becomes part of your shared play. Maybe it stays a fantasy. Either way, the dialogue alone can deepen your connection.

5. Use Clear, Respectful Language

Avoid slang or shock-value descriptions when first sharing. Describe your fantasy in a way that invites discussion, not defensiveness.

Instead of:

“I want you to dominate me like in those porn videos.”

Try:

“I’ve been curious about exploring some playful power dynamics—like one of us taking control and the other surrendering. Does that idea interest you at all?”

Language shapes comfort. Keep it open-ended and respectful.

6. Create Safety Around Consent

If your fantasy involves role play, power dynamics or anything outside the norm, talk about limits, safewords, and emotional aftercare.

Safety isn’t just physical—it’s emotional. After any exploration, always follow up:

“How did that feel for you?”
“Was there anything you didn’t enjoy?”
“Would you want to try something similar again?”

Emotional safety is just as important as physical safety.

7. Accept That Not Everything Will Be Shared or Acted On

Some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies. And that’s okay.

What matters most is the freedom to share without shame. You’re not broken, perverted, or weird for having sexual thoughts. Being able to explore them together—or even just talk about them—can be incredibly bonding.

Vulnerability Is Sexy

Sharing a fantasy is an act of emotional bravery. It says, “Here’s a part of me I’ve never shown anyone before.” That level of vulnerability can be deeply sexy, even if the fantasy itself is never acted on.

In the end, it's not just about the fantasy—it's about the trust, curiosity, and connection it creates.

Want to Explore This Together?

If you’re curious about how to have deeper conversations with your partner, try starting with these prompts:

What’s something you’ve always been curious to try, even just in theory?
What kind of dynamic turns you on, even if you’ve never acted on it?
What do you wish I knew about your desires?